10 First Date Spoilers and What You Can Do To Avoid Messing Up A Great First Date

It’s ironic that sometimes we go out on a date and meet someone we are strongly attracted to but within minutes of the initial meeting things get so bad that the date ends in total disaster.

The sad truth is that it's easy to walk away and dismiss good men and women just because of very minor first date drawbacks which if you really think about it, don’t really matter.

1. Your date shows up late

Some people are habitually late for everything and others fear that if they show up early, it makes them look too eager. Whatever the reason, a late date can be annoying. If your date is 15 – 30 minutes late, there is no need to work yourself up especially if he or she has a valid explanation. Try to focus on the fact that he/she at least showed up. You’ll have the second and third dates to find out if his/her lateness is a habit or not – and if it’s something you can tolerate or not.

2. He/she is “okay” but not what you expected

We all have high expectations of what our first date will look like, sound like and smell like. Too often too high expectations are resentments waiting to happen and you could stop sabotaging yourself by being more open rather than fixated on a particular look, experience or response. Give yourself the chance to be pleasantly charmed, you just never know.

3. You have strong chemistry but you disagree and fight instead of sweet chitchat

We all come with some kind of baggage from our childhood or past relationships and often times we make other people “pay” the debts of our pasts. When you are fixated on his/her “faults” and shortcomings or on what’s not working you undermine and miss valuable information. You need to encompass the entire balance sheet of strengths and shortcomings or you’ll always be find yourself pessimistic and discouraged.

4. You both seem to really like each other but there are too many moments of uncomfortable silence

Nerves sometimes get the best part of all of us. It’s hard enough to put oneself out there for possible rejection but even harder to try to make a favourable first impression. Don't always assume the worst when the two of you don’t hit it off right away. If you like the person and feel you have a lot in common, hang in there. Much better, arrange your second date some place where the two of you are not just sitting and talking but enjoying an activity you both like. A lot can happen when you are not trying too hard to impress each other.

5. The conversation is too much on the superficial

Most men make the mistake of talking too much about a woman’s beauty and the woman thinks all you are after is get into her pants. On the other, side most women make the mistake of showing too much interest in what he does for a living and a man thinks all you are after is his money. If you find yourselves dwelling on superficial things, steer the topic to talking about what you both have in common as “human beings”. The good rule of thumb is "compliments and sincere interest." You can never go wrong on “human warmth”.

6. You find yourselves talking too much about exes, either yours or his/hers

We all do it, to some degree. It’s human tendency to remember both sweet and nasty experiences. Just because someone is “heavy on an ex” doesn’t necessarily mean they are not over him/her yet. It may just mean, they are finally comfortable to talk about them without feeling sad or lonely. You should be more concerned if he/she seems angry or talks as if he/she wants the ex back. When the conversation stays on the exes and doesn’t move onto the “present” (the two of you), make a joke about making sure the date is a success so that both of don’t have to deal with exes in the future or something to that effect. The point is to comfortably transition to the present.

7. You sense that your date is lying about something e.g. her age or the number of women he has slept with

It’s wise to not assume that people are telling the whole truth about who they are, but in the same breath, if something seems fishy, don't outright accuse the person of lying and storm out only to realize you too lied about something. Do a little nosing around to see if you can get at the truth. But if there's a big a trust problem, it's much better to just move on, you don’t want someone like that becoming a big part of your life.

8. Your date is making all the decisions and “forgetting’ to ask what you want

This happens mainly with guys, but also with a few women. Most people who have the “take charge” personality or who have read too many books and articles on the subject sometimes “forget” that a date is about two people. Don’t just keep quiet and go away angry and negative. If you really think your opinion counts for anything, tell him or her what you’d like to do instead. Speak up. It might just save the day – and the date.

9. Your date starts talking about marriage or babies

Sometimes the date is going so well and the other person (or even you) can’t help but tread where only fools rush in. Instead of freaking out and literally screaming “wow, wow, wait minute”, gently tell the person you would rather “take one day at a time”. Most decent and emotionally healthy people will appreciate your honesty. If he/she doesn’t, you’ll have saved yourself a lot more drama later on in the relationship.

10. He/she tells you ‘there is no chemistry”

Don't take it personally, and for goodness' sake, don't burn your bridges by flaming them. He/she might not feel the “chemistry” on the first date but after a few days of some reflection he/she might be emailing you back. Or there might really be “no chemistry” and he/she is being honest, let him/her go. You don’t want to be chasing after someone who is not interested.

The decisions you make on a first date could potentially affect the course of your life. Unfortunately much of the advice we receive from dating “experts” creates more barriers, problems, pessimism, negativity and potential heartbreak than help us create genuine, respectful and fulfilling loving relationships. Don’t’ be in too much of a hurry to write people off. You could be writing off a great man/woman.