It’s that time of year … again. The bustling. The caroling. The tinseling. The wrapping. The chestnut roasting. The mistletoeing.

The parties …

If you’re new to holiday parties (office parties, family parties, friend parties, friend of a friend of someone else parties), or if you’ve been to plenty of them but are still just not very good at it, here are some tips, in the spirit of giving, to help you knock `em dead and, for better or worse, maybe get invited back next year.

#1 – Spruce up

You’re not off to the Andy Williams Christmas Special or anything, but find something holiday-ish to wear. Guys: No Affliction t-shirts or Crocs or camo hunting jackets or “They Call Me the Breeze” trucker caps. Splash on some Eau de Noël or something. Consider shaving off that transitional scruff. You can start it back up again next year. Girls: You probably got this one covered.

#2 – A little something would be nice

If you are ever invited to a party where the host had a choice to not invite you, it’s definitely good form to show your gratitude. Bring a gift. Not a TV or a lawn mower or a three-pound coffee-table book on the history of macramé … or a framed picture of you. Go smaller. More innocuous. Perishable stuff works good: wine, chocolate, something you baked yourself (if you can bake). Just enough to say, “I know you could have replaced me with someone wittier and prettier, and I appreciate that you didn’t.”

#3 – No regifted invitations

If your invitation makes any mention of an RSVP, that means you should let them know you’re coming BEFORE you actually show up; you and any guest or guests you plan to bring. Your host will then have enough Funyuns for everyone. If there is no mention of an RSVP, you still should check before inviting your own mini-party. Even if you have an entourage that rarely leaves your side, or you share close mutual bestest friends with the host, there’s always the chance the host has selected certain individuals out for a reason. You may be next if you show up with an unwelcome headcount.

#4 – Hit the window

There is a tiny window of appropriate arrival and departure times that you don’t want to miss. It’s painful for you and for your host if you do. Arrival: Never get to the party early unless you are bringing the keg or helping set things up. If it starts at 7 PM, arrive between 7:15 and 7:45, unless it’s a dinner party where everyone is expected to arrive right on time. Departure: Try not to be the last to leave. If so, and your host is yawning or checking the wristwatch or cleaning around you or spending lots of time in the kitchen away from you, it’s time to go. And don’t sneak in and out of the window, either; always say hello and goodbye to your host so they don’t think you’re an ungracious tool.

#5 – Spread the cheer, not too near

You’ve said hello to the host. Well done. Now move on. The host has a lot to do. As an introvert, I’ll sometimes find an unfamiliar face and introduce myself straight away. Dive right in. Get the blood flowing. It can help to have a co-pilot as you navigate the party: someone to help carry all those light conversations. But be adventurous, even if you’re flying solo. Don’t plant yourself in one spot, with one person or one group. A little amiability can take you pretty far.

#6 – Be yourself … kinda

There’s no need to overly impress anyone. No need to put on airs about who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done. We all put our socks on one foot at a time. We’ve all had to sing the ABCs to figure out which letter comes after the other. But all of life is a bit of a performance, isn’t it? Being yourself at the party, being comfortable, isn't the same as being home alone eating chili with your fingers, leaving Yoo-hoo stains on the furniture, emitting gas, cursing Wolf Blitzer for destroying America. You’re a free spirit, sure. A nonconformist. But a tad more conforming at the holiday party is a good thing.

#7 – Give the cell phone a rest

I was in a restaurant the other day, sitting next to a large table of 20-somethings celebrating a birthday. At one point I noticed a full two-thirds of the table looking at their cell phones. Not talking. Looking. Texting. On the Internet. Whatever. It’s cool, I guess, to have an active life, with things going on outside this lame party, but the few people at the lame party who aren’t buried in their cell phones are sending their own special message. And the host is getting it loud and clear.

#8 – Dip once and end it

There’s the matter of hygiene. Yes. But double dipping your half-eaten chips or shrimp or veggies into the community cucumber hummus just isn’t very couth. It’s like drinking straight from the brandy bottle. Unless, of course, its your dip, on your plate, that you spooned out. Then dip to your heart’s content. Be careful loading that plate, though. You’re snacking, not gorging. And don’t stash any of those Rudolph-shaped sugar cookies in your coat pocket for later.

#9 – Get in the spirits … responsibly

Holiday parties can be a little stressful. No doubt. Especially if chatting up strangers and almost-strangers doesn’t fill you with glee. But don’t overanesthetize. Don’t loosen the collar too much. Two or three dunks into the spiked punch or the spiced eggnog is plenty. When that warm holiday glow in your belly starts fogging up your eyeballs, it’s time to back `er down a skoach.

#10 – Be thankful, again

The handwritten note is kind of a lost art. It will mean a lot to your host when they get one from you two or three days after the party. Nothing much. Just a quick thank you. Don’t email it. And in the name of Christmas, don’t text it. Thank them and they’ll think of you next time. Which is nice, because a partyless holiday isn’t quite as appealing as it might sound.

Author's Bio: 

Dave Neal is a senior partner at 4th Street Training, a premiere instructional design group that helps move individuals and organizations to new levels. Learn more at http://www.4thstreettraining.com/