I know it seems like she’s nitpicking at you, and you’re taking it personally and ready to run for the hills. But really, she’s probably feeling self critical of herself and needs you to just love her and support her to get underneath the judgment to what’s in the heart instead.
This post is mainly for the men. Because every man I have ever worked with brings this up at some point in our work together. Along with WTF do I do because I love her, and she’s driving me up the wall.
First.
You must disengage. Take a giant step back. You must know, this is not personal. So often women criticize and complain when there is something in their heart that feels too much. Remember, us women change rapidly, goddess knows I can be four different women by lunchtime and then on to the rest of the day. We change quickly, unless you’ve been a real asshole, and then we might be pissed for a righteous while. ;-)
Next.
Bring your awareness to what you know of her criticism patterns.
- When does she criticize most? When she’s tired? Hungry? Unheard? Undersexed? You probably know her better than anyone so reflect here.
- Is she going through stress? Has she had an overwhelming event in her life lately?
- Is she unhappy with herself? This is huge. It is hard for women to feel this way and when we are overwhelmed we can get unhappily in our minds.. Mental, lol, until the energies shift.
And with this awareness you can start to see if you can sense what the feelings are underneath. What is in her heart? See it. Identify it..first for yourself. Ask yourself what support she might need for that feeling, based on what you know of her, your intuition, and your instincts. Empathy? Softening? Understanding? Seeing her? Listening lovingly? And the most important thing next….
GIVE IT TO HER FULLY, GENEROUSLY AND WITHOUT POWER TRIPS.
Only because your love for her is that pure - and your heart is mature enough to be that generous and you can manage your little one inside who could get offended or insulted that she was behaving critically. Don’t get hooked. This in no way means have no boundaries. You know where the lines are. And enjoy the power of your detachment while being in heart driven, leadership action.
That impresses us and gets our attention.
And the storms can and will pass.
Now I know this is NOT easy for all men to do. You have got to be big, strong and clear in your purpose, not to mention your love and devotion.
And when you do that, she will respect the hell out of you and be softened in her heart, which can then be freed up to shower all over you in gratitude and freedom and all her other delicious feminine goodies.
And if you fail or get stuck, which you will, forgive yourself, and begin again (like my husband has said to himself and me, many times).
It's practice, not perfection.
REMEMBER THAT!
And yes, there are a lot of feminine masculine teachers and coaches out there, but this work for men often brings in the need for somatic resources to deeply embody these things because of the conditioning that men have about responding to critical women - often in the patriarchal matrix, it’s to retaliate, to double up and power over, to dismiss, to fight, to numb or to totally people please their woman, and make no mistake men, what I am inviting is none of that. I love helping men unravel and be the men they truly wish to be in partnership, on all the dimensions, emotional, mental, action, somatic, and sexual as multidimensional as women are, just differently.
What this is IS the opportunity to step into the expression of your mature masculine in heart, engined by testosterone, heart, soul and in deep harmony with the feminine. In this way, the mind becomes a servant.
Supporting you to go from feeling like she’s just nitpicking you personally and you’re ready to run for hills, to being able to know exactly how to handle what’s going on to get to the heart of the matter and relate with all your masculine energy about it from there is what we do in my three months 1:1 hybrid group program for professionals, coaches and executives. When that happens, I have only seen connection flourish, intimacy grow like wildfire, safety increase and well the sex, I’ll let you imagine how hot it gets. Huge upgrades everywhere. PM me (http://m.me/joanna.intara/) if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.
Known as The Intimacy Alchemist & Creator of Soul-Satisfying Love, Sex & Closeness', Joanna turns 30 years of counseling practice into a simple system that helps couples bring back the loving they enjoyed as newlyweds in as little as 2-3 weeks!