10 steps to Self Love

Steps to Self Love

This may seem a strange topic in a world full of self entitlement but often those who need more are those who have a bigger hole to fill. Our notion of self love is full of misconceptions a woman taking care of self may be called vain or worst yet selfish and a man egotistical. But where is the line between healthy self love and self indulgence and more importantly should one be drawn?

We are taught nice people give they sacrifice they accommodate, not so nice people put themselves before others and take without consideration. Which is hogwash ‘nice’ is a word that has been used to control people since the beginning of time parents used it to guilt their children into compliance “nice children don’t do that” partners used it is manipulate their spouses “we want them to think we are nice neighbours” Mothers used it against their daughters “nice girls don’t do that dear” so throw it out the window being nice no longer serves your highest good. You don’t want to be nice you want to be healthy in mind body and spirit and this requires some self loving. So how are a few little things you can do to make sure your cup is overflowing.

Healthy Boundaries make sure you have them

It is simple this is what behaviour I will accept this is what behaviour I will not accept. This behaviour respects you and me that behaviour does not and therefore has no place here.

2. Tied into the above is the ability to say no

You have to respect your self enough to be willing to say “today I cannot, not because I do not care for you not because I do not love you but because today I need to be my own best friend and take care of me.” Do you know what is really selfish not learning to love yourself? Because when you are stressed when you are physically depleted when you are spiritually bankrupt all those around you suffer. You get grumpy with your children, you get angry at your co-workers; you get impatient with your spouse and worst still you start to beat yourself up for not being perfect for not being able to hold it altogether for not being a super hero.
Today is a good day to say ‘no’ today is a good day from a walk in the park, today is a good day for coffee with friends, today is a good day for a long bath or that last piece of chocolate cake. Today is a good day because today you took the first step towards a loving relationship with self congratulations.
3. Take time.

Time to be alone with your thoughts to process, time to be alone with your Higher Power whoever or whatever you perceive this to be, time without noise without chaos without doing time to simply be.

4. Step into the lightness

Grow some fairy wings learn to laugh at yourself and the seriousness of your world. Remember the simple things which brought you joy and made you laugh embrace them once more.

5. Give it up the critical child within tell it to go home now

Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn and grow from them that is what being human is all about. The moment has passed it cannot be recaptured let it go and make the most of the next one. Learn to forgive yourself and move on. Love is giving yourself a break now and then. Tossing the critical inner voice out the window and going” You know what it didn’t work out quite as I had planned but that’s okay I learned something today”. Love is letting go of judgment and stepping into acceptance “In this moment I am where I am meant to be and I am who I am meant to be”.
Think about the love you give a child when they are hurt you sooth them when they are disappointed discouraged you encourage them when they are angry you listen to them. It is no different with our own inner child.

6. Get to know yourself again

Take yourself on a first date ask all the questions what is your favourite color, what makes you laugh, what do you want to be when you grow up, what are your regrets, what are your dreams, find out who you are and then accept that this is who I am right now this is where I am right now and that’s okay.

7. Let go of expectations

Those held by others and your own throw out any rulers you may be using to measure yourself by and know success is measured in happiness not possessions or money. If you are living an authentic fulfilling life then you have achieved your purpose in life.
8. The white cup/mug

Some times we are like an empty cup. We struggle to have a sense of self and say out loud things like “why does my life feel empty” or why can’t I make friends”. Our soul or our inner world is a cup we fill up with love. Some people have so much it overflows you will know them by the joy you feel in their presence. Some people have so little love their cup is almost dry you will know them by the gray cloud of gloom that follows where-ever they go. What happens when the cup is empty? Often we look to others to fill it and end up in dysfunctional relationship always wanting something from the other person or conversely blaming them for the way we feel.
The white cup exercise is about learning to fill your own cup so it overflows with joy and happiness.
a) Purchase a white coffee mug and a black permanent marker
b) Every day think of something you can do for yourself. For example take a long bath or go to the movies or start a class or join a group or simply walk on the beach or go for coffee with a friend or meditate
c) Every time you do something draw a line on the mug making your way up to the top.
You are basically watching your cup fill up and very soon it will be overflowing.
DON’T STOP when you reach the top rather use the mug as a reminder to nurture your self physically emotionally and spiritually

9. Take care of your health

There is a tendency to under estimate the effect of environmental factors on our spiritual and emotional well being. All the self help books in the world are not going to help you if you are sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted or juggling twenty things at once. Are you taking care of your body remember Creator doesn’t have an exchange policy what you have is going to have to last you a life time.

10. Be enough right now

Accept who you are and where you are and be enough. I will let you in on a secret if you tell a child they are enough as they are, that you believe in them and love them unconditionally, say it is okay to have imperfections because that is what creates character, it is okay make mistakes because that is how you grow, they will step into their greatness and light up the world.
The people who changed the world were those who didn’t measure themselves by someone else’s ruler and dared to be different. I will leave you with the words written on a t-shirt I found and wear proudly.

‘You all laugh because I am different.I laugh because you are all the same’